This is my first article for Korea.net and it will touch on three traits I have seen in the Korean people I have met both in Korea and New York over almost 20 years. These traits include respect, filial piety and empathy. I was born in Catskill, New York, spent most of my childhood in a town just north of Albany, New York, but also a significant amount of time in New York City (NYC) while working, visiting family and friends, or simply exploring. Most people do not realize that South Korea in general is very densely populated, but that Seoul has over twice the population density of NYC. Seoul is frenetic, dynamic, yet very efficient and orderly. This statement comes from my experiences while visiting my in-laws every year for 3 to 4 weeks since 2001. To me, Seoul is the “city that never sleeps”, but what struck me on my first visit was the strong sense of respect for one’s parents, elders, but also of the common person. I remember the first time I rode a city bus and watched as everyone bowed to the bus driver as they got on. It is very typical to also give up your seat on the bus or subway for a pregnant woman, elderly or other in need. It is that unspoken word based on actions that is so touching and humbling about the character of these people in general.
Years ago, my wife and I were riding the subway home from Seoul and I made some pert comment about knowing my way around. A few moments later, I looked up and my wife was gone. I had missed my stop and she left like a ninja without me. It was late on a cloudy night as I exited the subway station and tried to get a bearing. I had no clue where I was and tried my best to ask someone at a couple corner stores how to get home. This was back when cell phones and GPS were not nearly as prevalent as they are today. Being a somewhat experienced hiker, I set off in the direction I thought was correct and was stopped by a man. We communicated with my limited Korean and his broken English. He told me he knew where my in-laws lived and would take me home. Not only did he give up 20 minutes of his life for me, he took me through the green spaces or short cuts that divide high rise apartments where there are no traffic lights. I would not have felt safe in many other places, but had no hesitation going with him. We got near my in-laws apartment, I thanked him and off he went. Can you believe that?
My in-laws both fled Pyongyang in 1950, met years later in Seoul, fell in love, got married, raised a family, and so on. Let’s now fast forward to 2001. From the moment we met, I was treated with the utmost respect and welcomed to the family without hesitation. Although we still cannot fully communicate with one another, the love is mutual. I will share one example of such. My mother in law would make her infamous North Korean real deal style mung bean pancakes and freeze a month’s worth before our visit each year. Her eyesight has diminished and it is difficult for her to do this these days, so this year we got up early one morning (0530) and made them together; step by step after the initial prep work was done a couple days before. It took me almost six hours to make 20 pancakes, but was worth every minute. Each batch of three pancakes takes 30 minutes as you pan fry them in oil on low heat so as not to burn them and continually move the batter in to keep the round shape. Her recipe includes soaking the mung beans 1 to 2 days before, soaking dried shiitake mushrooms, keeping the mushroom broth, chopping kimchi, onions, green onions, mincing garlic, pureeing the mung beans and mushroom broth, adding canned tuna (she typically uses cooked ground pork), a little sesame oil and sesame seed. The experience was priceless and I fine-tuned skills she showed me quickly years ago. We gave them to family and friends who also enjoy them. As my in-laws get older, my wife and I spend more time with them when we visit and help them with simple things, but also just spending time together. It is the simple pleasures that strengthen bonds and bring joy and is one small example of filial piety.
Lastly, I believe empathy is deeply sown in the fabric of Korean people. Perhaps it has come from being a small country that endured hardship over the centuries with positive outlook and hope. This year I was feeling nostalgic and tried to find a post office to send my grandmother a post card. Instead of using my phone to find the nearest location, I just started walking one spring morning and asking one random person after the next if they knew were one was. Fifteen minutes and three people later, I was within striking distance and one last woman watched me until I got within the last two blocks almost out of site and yelled to me which way to go. I can only surmise why she chose to help me and wait to make sure I got to my destination, but she did. Is it empathy and care for someone from their past that drives some of these actions day in day out? Time and time again I see these acts which is almost contradictory in this ultra-competitive society where this behavior is not expected.
I will share a great closing story that happened early this March as I was walking from Harlem to W. 96th Street to the Korean Buddhist Temple I practice at in NYC. It was 5 am on a cold and damp morning as I walked in typical brisk fashion with my hood up. At that time, there were not many people out so I could cross streets without waiting. However, I got to one cross street and as the light turned green for the vehicle, a guy rolled down his window and yelled down to me from this huge garbage truck and said “hey brotha, you go first”. I was amazed and his simple kind action made my day. I then carried that on to another person and hope the domino effect continued. NY often gets a bad rap, but there are many gems that make me proud of calling it home.